Ok, so I came across this on Digg. Originally, it was an mp3 of a guy trying to cancel his AOL account. It started out simple enough… he called up John at AOL Customer Service and asked to cancel the account. Somewhere along the line, John thought it would be a good idea to try to convince Vincent to keep the account because it was still in use. Check out the MP3 or the transcript below.
Customer Service Representative: Hi, this is John at AOL. How may I help you today?
Vincent: I want to cancel my account.
CSR: Sorry to hear that. Let’s pull your account up here real quick, can I have your name please?
Vincent: Vincent Ferrari
CSR: K Vincent, and as privacy and security, can I have the last four digits of your payment method please?
CSR: Alright, thank you very much. Ok. You’ve had this account for a long time.
CSR: This is quite a bit. What was the cause of you want to turn this off today?
Vincent: I just don’t use it anymore.
CSR: Do you have a high speed connection like the DSL or cable?
CSR: K. How long have you had that? The high speed?
CSR: Ok. Well actually, I’m showin’ a lot of usage on this account.
Vincent: Yeah, a long time ago. Not recently.
CSR: Well, the ?BossFerrari? account was on 71 hours since the 24th of last month.
Vincent: No he wasn’t. He doesn’t even have the AOL software installed on his computer. You’re looking at AIM usage probably.
CSR: No, it’s- AIM usage doesn’t come off of this.
Vincent: He doesn’t have the AOL software installed on his computer.
CSR: Well, this is your father then?
CSR: Ok. Well, I’m lookin’ at this account…
Vincent: Either way, whatever you’re seeing-
CSR: Well what’s causing you to want to turn this off today? I mean obviously- I mean-
Vincent: I don’t use it and he doesn’t use it, so we’re cancelling it.
Vincent: I’m telling you he doesn’t use the account. The software isn’t even installed on his computer. So.
CSR: Well… Ok. I mean is there a problem with the software itself?
Vincent: No. I just- I don’t use it. I don’t need it. I don’t want it. I just don’t need it anymore.
CSR: Heh. When you use this, I mean, you use the computer I’m sayin’, is that for business, or for school?
Vincent: What difference does it make? I don’t want the AOL account anymore. Can we please cancel it?
CSR: Upp, on June 2nd, this account was signed on. Its been on for 72 hours. On June 2nd.
Vincent: I don’t know how to make it any clearer-
CSR: Last year was 54- Last month was 545 hours of usage.
Vincent: I don’t know how to make this any clearer, so I’m just going to say it one last time. Cancel. The. Account. Please.
CSR: Well explain to me what’s- wha- why-
Vincent: I’m not explaining anything to you. Cancel. The. Account.
CSR: Wha- what’s the matter ?ranso?- We’re just- I’m just trying to help here.
Vincent: You’re not helping me. Helping me would be-
CSR: I am tryin’ to-
Vincent: Helping me- Listen! I called to cancel the account. Helping me would be cancelling the account. Please help me and cancel the account.
CSR: No it wouldn’t actually.
Vincent: Cancel my account!
CSR: Turning off you account-
Vincent: Cancel! The! Account! Ca-
CSR: would be the worst thing that-
Vincent: Cancel! The account.
CSR: Is your dad there?
Vincent: My dad? I’m the primary paying- I’m the primary person on the account. Not my dad. Cancel the account!
CSR: K, ’cause I’m just tryin’ to secure-
Vincent: CANCEL THE ACCOUNT! I don’t know how to make this any clearer for you. Cancel the account. The card is mine, in my name. The account is mine, and in my name. When I say cancel the account, I don’t mean figure out how to help me keep it, I mean cancel the account!
CSR: Uh oh… I’m sorry, I don’t know what anybody’s done to you-
Vincent: You’re annoying the shit out of me! That’s what you’re doing to me. Cancel the account please.
CSR: Oh, well that goes both ways my friend.
Vincent: Good. Could you please cancel the account.
CSR: All I’m- alright. Someday, when you calm down, you’re gonna realize that all I was trying to do was help you, and it was actually in your best interest to listen to me-
Vincent: Wonderful! Ok yeah, great-
CSR: Problem that this pissing happens and just give us a call back that’ll be fine-
CSR: As I process your cancellation request, I have to tell you about a free benefit available for valued members like yourself. We’ll continue to provide you with some features available through-
Vincent: Don’t want it! I know the drill, I don’t even want it. Don’t even bother.
CSR: If you want me to cancel this account, you’re gonna let me speak, and give this paragraph. Ok? ’cause if not, we can star you all day. I really don’t care to be honest with ya. But, you’re gonna listen to me if you want this turned off. So. Can I speak now?
Vincent: Go right ahead.
CSR: Thank you! Appreciate that. As I process your cancellation request, I’d like to tell you about a free benefit available to valued members like yourself. We will continue to provide you with some features of the AOL service even after the membership has been canceled. At AOL.com, you can keep your existing e-mail, buddy-list, address book and more at no cost for as long as you like. There’s no catch, this is AOL’s way of keeping our relationship with you. We know you- we know you want to keep your same e-mail. So go to AOL.com, login with your screenname and password. An e-mail confirming the cancellation will be delivered to your free e-mail account within 24 hours to complete this cancellation which contains a whole lot of important details. Please hold while I connect.